i just wanna soil my oats bro
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
