Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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