Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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