when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
