Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
