i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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