I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
