i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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