I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
