What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
