Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize