Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just gargled with NyQuil
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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