that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
