I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
im on a boat
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