He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
