is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
