Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
