can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
