I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
