He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
