dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
