Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh