the new term for farting is butt boxing.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever