i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.