i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
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I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.