I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.