i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
This is my gift to your gina
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation