Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
You pole danced in your parka.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.