I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
i believe in u and ur pee
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