The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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