Betty ford says i'm here all night
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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