the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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