I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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