I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
