Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
