New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
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