I wish I could punch you in the face.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I supernannyed him into submission
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
