And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
