just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Randomize
