The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
