I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
