you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
