Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
