so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
