Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
