Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
