is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The Olympian is in my bed
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
