Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
