You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
