Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
