If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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