I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
