just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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