carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
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