I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
