Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
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You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
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Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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