and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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