We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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