Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
