Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
