Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
where are you?
Hypothermia
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
