I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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