wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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