I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
