did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
