I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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