Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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