She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
